Small wins make me happy in the moment. They do not come often but when I went grocery shopping Monday I had a couple of what I call small wins, things that are unexpected for which I am grateful to have been available to me.
there were enough bags of the cat food brand I feed the cats that I was able to get the 4 16 lb bags I need for 2 weeks;
there was one bottle of the detergent I use for Kitson’s black clothes;
there was plenty of the yogurt flavor I eat at work so I was able to buy 10;
there were plenty of the particular blueberry cookies I eat with cream cheese for breakfast;
the crock pot I planned to give as a gift was still available;
and the dietary supplement I take to help my mind work a little better was there for me to buy.
That doesn’t happen very often. Lately one or more of the items listed above are not available and I am unable to locate them in a timely manner. I buy groceries once every two weeks: on payday. And we go on from there. I do not like having to return to pick up needed items, besides milk, when they are not available when we make our grocery /errand run.
But to top all the wins off:
we went to the hardware the next day to purchase my dad’s Christmas present and found the perfect thing in less than 5 minutes.
And then, come to find out, we get to have Christmas on Christmas instead of Christmas Eve (which we usually have to do due to sister-in-law’s family).
So, besides having at least 4 cats with poopy tails currently (they drank the muddy water), I have to say I am a happy camper.
And yes, I did say “Thank You, Lord.”
Care to share some of your small wins with me? I would love to hear about them.
Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone.
This is something I wrote in March 1978.
A sense of lostness –
“Nobody cares” –
Smothers and dulls all
Perceptions, taking away any
Joy for life.
Cutting through layers of defenses,
The lostness leaves one cold and vulnerable
To the reality of life and brings the dark side,
Not the light side, into prominence.
The mask is dropped and it is hard to
Pick it up without breaking apart completely.
It will have to be rebuilt and placed on again
So no one will know I’m not me.
As the title to this post states, “Depression Has No Season.” And, as you can see from the year of the above writing, 1978, I’ve been aware of depression in my life since at least that time period. That said, I’ll give a little background to the above and then go forward.
In March of 1978 I was a junior in college. Early 20s. I lived on campus but was close enough to be able to drive home in approximately 45 minutes. Roommates. Classmates. Was part of a Christian campus group. Church. So, yes, there was what, looking back, I would call “young adult angst.” Not gonna go there. It is in the past and only write about it now to paint a picture others might identify with in their lives. Meaning: I was around a lot of people often.
Today my life is circumscribed by my early twenty-something son, my parents, my cats, and work. My work schedule is such that I am sleeping or trying to sleep at the times most people are in church. (Yes God is important to me.) I go to the library. I go to the store. I eat, sleep. I do not have any close friends. I do not go out to “have a good time.”
So. Depression. Just an everyday part of my life. I generally do not think about it. But I do acknowledge it. And I felt drawn to write about the reality of it at this season. For me, this month this year, it is a bit more difficult due to the fact my husband died Thursday December 11, 1997, and was buried Monday December 15. Military cemetery. This year, 2014, reflects the same day by day calendar. It has been a bit tough for my son and I for that fact. Death has no season, either. I plan to address that another post.
We are past those dates. Life goes on unless you are dead.
I do not write of hope at this time. For me, it is rare. I do not hope. I struggle on. I get up in the mornings and feed the outdoor cats God has given me responsibility for. My son lives with me at this time. I check up on my parents who live next door. (Family land.) I go to work, the library, the store. I read, watch TV. In season, I do yard work.
My cats make me happy. Any cats make me happy. Seeing a cat calendar in the store makes me smile.
I thank God . . . . and go on.
How do you feel, really, in this season, when the sun would appear to have gone away but in actuality is simply on its regular route, so to say? Is your life circumscribed like mine or are you in a frenzy because Christmas is one day away and every thing is not perfect? It is never perfect.
Be blessed this season.
Sunday November 23, 2014
This is the prayer I prayed with my son when he was young. And then life overwhelmed us, school, homework, friend drama, depression and work schedules and prayer together went by the wayside. Howsomever, I do feel and believe this to cover pretty near everything in our current culture. So I felt I should share it with someone.
We thank You Lord
for a roof over our heads,
and a nice warm bed,
for food to eat
and stuff to drink.
For clothes to wear,
and shoes for our feet.
For books to read,
toys to play with,
music to listen to
and songs to sing.
Parents/grandparents who love us
and uncles who do, too.
Thank You for flowers, trees, birds, clouds
and rocks. Grass and weeds.
We thank You for Your Son who died for us
and rose again that we might live in You.
In His name,
Today I would add water to drink, our health and friends.
And of course, we cannot forget the colony cats that keep us sane. Also, pecans to pick up, shell and eat as well as walnuts to toss.
We need to add internet friends of all persuasions, our jobs – whether we like them or not – are necessary for supplies in this world.
This isn’t quite in the flow and form of the original but it is close, not rhyming but it had a certain flow I am unable to quite remember at this time. Goes to show me how much I have forgotten.
Anyway, blessings to all in this season of thankfulness. Me, I’ll be working on Thanksgiving day as per usual these last 7 years – a 12 hour evening shift that day and I may have to work the previous night (the scheduling of a factory security guard’s life). Actually, I will be working for sure 7pm Thursday night through 7am Monday morning (12 hour shifts each night). And I am indeed thankful for my job. No rest for the weary. Not really complaining, just stating facts as I know them. So, yes, I have a lot to be thankful for all the time and I do need to be remembering this more often.
This coming year I am going to try to be more thankful and less complaining.
Thanks for listening.
See you on the flipside.
So, what are some of the people and/or things you are thankful for this season? Please to chime in in the comments.
Today, November 21, 2014, marks the day I might have been married 27 years. I say might because it didn’t happen that way. This coming December will mark 17 years that my husband has been dead due to illness. We had been married 10 years and 2 weeks when he died. I say might also because I might have separated from him or divorced him, if he had lived, due to mental and emotional abuse.
I was by his side when he died in VA hospice. He had been a Marine out of hight school.
Anniversaries are interesting things. We remember first dates and last dates, when we graduated from whatever for whatever reason and when we failed desperatly at something important to us, when we were chosen by our companion animals and their passing, birthdays and anniversaries, deaths.
Deaths can cover a multitude of items: people, ideas, companion animals, projects, jobs, coveted positions of power, a marriage.
Death can come to a marriage through different ways. The death of a spouse is common. And in today’s world I realize a marriage dies more often through divorce.
So, I will have been widowed 17 years come the second week of December 2014. A single mother to one son. My son still has difficulty talking about his dad as he was 5 years old at the time. I know he thinks of his dad more often than he tells me. He has anger issues. I do not force him to talk about his dad. We had a discussion 2 weeks ago in the car about how his dad and my wedding anniversary was coming up and how also in this year of 2014 the calendar follows the exact same days and times for his dad’s death. So far this season I am fine as opposed to the last time everything fell on the same days. I was a mess.
It is important to me that I acknowledge this day in my life this year.
So, what anniversaries are important in your lives?
Chime in in the comments.
Until next time,