Category Archives: death
Each of the day (s) mentioned above are concerned with remembering loved ones who have died. For me in the past year the people who have died that I am remembering are my aunt Carmoletia and a maintenance man at the factory where I work who died after a short illness which turned out to be lung cancer. He had been our maintenance liaison between security and the factory. He was more than a simple maintenance man, he was our friend. Then there is the pianist at the church my parents’ attend. Maybe a few other people I cannot recall right this moment. I’m sure there are probably a few internet personages as well, but my mind is not what it should be when it comes to recalling some things/people. Sorry.
For me I’m remembering the cats who have died on my watch, so to say. Most of the cats pictured previously, except for Gibbles, Priscilla, Tatterdemalion and Bluff, have indeed died. The ones most recently added to the list of cats waiting for me are Pounce, Tiger Lily, Wizardly Little Bit, Spectacular Spooky, Priestly Mousie and Furreckles. Others who have gone this year include Odin, Graphina, Hematyte and others who are on my calendar at home. These are all outdoor cats and each are loved very much. They are essentially the reason I get up in the mornings: to feed and care for them, checking kitten eyes for “gunk” and putting eye drops in, checking noses for blocking mucus, checking for puncture wounds from fights and doctoring those as they allow as well as searching diligently for missing cats and hopefully finding them alive.
My son knows this and does care about the cats as well. He knows I love him first and foremost.
And so it goes.
Who are you remembering these couple of days, as well as lifting up the saints’ if that is your belief system? I have no problem with it as it is part of our calendar of days.
Be blessed and I’ll see you on the flip side. ;D
Mitsu who is missing greatly her companion cat Pounce
This is something I wrote in March 1978.
A sense of lostness –
“Nobody cares” –
Smothers and dulls all
Perceptions, taking away any
Joy for life.
Cutting through layers of defenses,
The lostness leaves one cold and vulnerable
To the reality of life and brings the dark side,
Not the light side, into prominence.
The mask is dropped and it is hard to
Pick it up without breaking apart completely.
It will have to be rebuilt and placed on again
So no one will know I’m not me.
As the title to this post states, “Depression Has No Season.” And, as you can see from the year of the above writing, 1978, I’ve been aware of depression in my life since at least that time period. That said, I’ll give a little background to the above and then go forward.
In March of 1978 I was a junior in college. Early 20s. I lived on campus but was close enough to be able to drive home in approximately 45 minutes. Roommates. Classmates. Was part of a Christian campus group. Church. So, yes, there was what, looking back, I would call “young adult angst.” Not gonna go there. It is in the past and only write about it now to paint a picture others might identify with in their lives. Meaning: I was around a lot of people often.
Today my life is circumscribed by my early twenty-something son, my parents, my cats, and work. My work schedule is such that I am sleeping or trying to sleep at the times most people are in church. (Yes God is important to me.) I go to the library. I go to the store. I eat, sleep. I do not have any close friends. I do not go out to “have a good time.”
So. Depression. Just an everyday part of my life. I generally do not think about it. But I do acknowledge it. And I felt drawn to write about the reality of it at this season. For me, this month this year, it is a bit more difficult due to the fact my husband died Thursday December 11, 1997, and was buried Monday December 15. Military cemetery. This year, 2014, reflects the same day by day calendar. It has been a bit tough for my son and I for that fact. Death has no season, either. I plan to address that another post.
We are past those dates. Life goes on unless you are dead.
I do not write of hope at this time. For me, it is rare. I do not hope. I struggle on. I get up in the mornings and feed the outdoor cats God has given me responsibility for. My son lives with me at this time. I check up on my parents who live next door. (Family land.) I go to work, the library, the store. I read, watch TV. In season, I do yard work.
My cats make me happy. Any cats make me happy. Seeing a cat calendar in the store makes me smile.
I thank God . . . . and go on.
How do you feel, really, in this season, when the sun would appear to have gone away but in actuality is simply on its regular route, so to say? Is your life circumscribed like mine or are you in a frenzy because Christmas is one day away and every thing is not perfect? It is never perfect.
Be blessed this season.
Today, November 21, 2014, marks the day I might have been married 27 years. I say might because it didn’t happen that way. This coming December will mark 17 years that my husband has been dead due to illness. We had been married 10 years and 2 weeks when he died. I say might also because I might have separated from him or divorced him, if he had lived, due to mental and emotional abuse.
I was by his side when he died in VA hospice. He had been a Marine out of hight school.
Anniversaries are interesting things. We remember first dates and last dates, when we graduated from whatever for whatever reason and when we failed desperatly at something important to us, when we were chosen by our companion animals and their passing, birthdays and anniversaries, deaths.
Deaths can cover a multitude of items: people, ideas, companion animals, projects, jobs, coveted positions of power, a marriage.
Death can come to a marriage through different ways. The death of a spouse is common. And in today’s world I realize a marriage dies more often through divorce.
So, I will have been widowed 17 years come the second week of December 2014. A single mother to one son. My son still has difficulty talking about his dad as he was 5 years old at the time. I know he thinks of his dad more often than he tells me. He has anger issues. I do not force him to talk about his dad. We had a discussion 2 weeks ago in the car about how his dad and my wedding anniversary was coming up and how also in this year of 2014 the calendar follows the exact same days and times for his dad’s death. So far this season I am fine as opposed to the last time everything fell on the same days. I was a mess.
It is important to me that I acknowledge this day in my life this year.
So, what anniversaries are important in your lives?
Chime in in the comments.
Until next time,